Top Ten Ways to Improve the Charlotte Music Scene

Music Scene

We all know that the Charlotte music scene is in trouble. Attendance at shows is down, venues are being shut down left and right, the variety of bands is limited, and the amount of notable, influential and nationally recognized musical acts emerging from the Queen City is slim to none. The musical culture of Charlotte will stagnate and sputter out unless the artists and the city take these ten important steps to reinvigorate, re-energize and recharge the scene.

1. More Singer Songwriters

Rock, alternative, punk, funk, rap, reggae, metal, and jazz are all fine and dandy in small doses, but more often than not, people go to shows in order to hear something calm, peaceful and meditative. Artists should consider not just doing what is easy, but giving the people what they want.

2. Witty Stories Between Songs

People love going to shows to see music, but it’s good idea to invest a solid amount of time per set sharing anecdotes from your life with the audience. Audience members often need a break from a long successions of notes, and though standing for two minutes in silence between songs is a good alternative to playing songs non-stop, telling stories about your life is a great way to keep the audience engaged.

3. Making it Illegal for Any Musician Under 21 to Play Shows

Anyone under the age of 21 is just looking for trouble, and if a venue slips up just once and sells a beer to a minor, the venue gets shut down. With the small amount of venues in the area as is, we can’t risk anymore of them being shut down just because some snot nosed punk wants to hone his craft or gain stage experience.

4. Robust Discouragement of Anyone Over the Age of 30 from Playing Music

Look buddy, your ship has sailed and if you were going to get famous playing music, you would have made it by now. Stop living in a dreamworld, you delusional looser, pack your Ibanez and give it up.

5. More Eccentric Artists

All of the humility and gregariousness of Charlotte musicians is turning the scene into a lukewarm bed of mediocrity. We need some seriously headstrong and eccentric artists to shock the scene with their outrageous non-conformity, totally individual personalities, and headstrong assurance in themselves and their art.

6. Longer Set Up Times for Drummers

The drums are easily the most important element of a band, and when a drummer sets up his kit quickly, you just know that he’s going to be uncomfortable, hence, not playing to the best of his abilities. How can we be sure that the drum kit is set up properly unless it takes at least twenty minutes? It doesn’t matter if the setting up of a drum kit eats into the set time, the band needs the drummer to be on point and sounding good, no matter what the costs.

7. Brutally Murder All White Males Above the Age of 45 (with an income of 400k and above)

The gentrification of our city and the constant assault on our arts districts by big corporations is killing the local music scene. The only logical way to deal with this invasive infection of greedy capitalists is to attack the problem at it’s source and kill the humans most responsible for economic expansion.

8. Change the Name “Charlotte” to “New York City

Charlotte is not well know as a city with a thriving and diverse music scene. But New York City is. In order to help shape the rest of the country’s idea of what Charlotte can offer concerning music, we can simply change the name of our city to New York City.

9. Invest In a Time Machine

If you ask musicians in Charlotte whether or not the music scene has improved in the last twenty years, you will hear a resounding “no”. What is the ideal solution to this perplexing dilemma? I think the answer is obvious.

10. Turn the Goddamn Bass Down, for Christ Sake!

Dude, seriously! This isn’t the fucking Bojangles coliseum. Jesus…

Normal Dennis

One Comment

  1. No wonder Charlotte’s music scene (or lack of) sucks and has Always been bland, stagnant and unsuccessful since I have been old enuff to pay attention: it’s the people….or, more specifically, the mindset of the people. There are tons of small towns with equal or greater scenes even though they have a fraction of the population. I have travelled a lot and Charlotte gets my vote for the most boring big city and people possibly in the entire country. Maybe forget music, art and these types of things and stick to more pedestrian affairs like malls, restaurants, fishing, Nascar and other redneckery. God, I am gonna have to stay there for a few months in the near future and I am dreading it SO much!! Guess I won’t be needing my guitar while I am there…lol

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